97.5 miles. 35+ hours on foot. 5 days of crewing and pacing. Almost no sleep. 1 burger-related emotional breakdown.

I understand it is a true privilege to be able to have adventures and do the things I do. And I am super grateful for that. But there is this space between (queue Dave Matthews) where something feels off, something feels missing and I feel listless.

James has shown me that no matter what age you are, you can do many things. He lost his son to suicide during the high point of the pandemic. He divorced a few years before that. His daughter lives in Flagstaff so she isn’t too far away but he’s definitely got an empty nest. He leads a couple of group runs and makes everyone feel welcome.

When I popped out from under the car, my stepdaughter said, “I’m glad you lift and are strong.” It made me laugh but also made me proud. Then it made me start thinking about all the training I have been doing for 17+ years. How that training has not only made me physically strong but mentally confident in myself.

“But wait Brittany, how could you finish? You were pulled from the race.” Great question and one I wish I had asked myself at 3:35 p.m. on April 22. Being pulled from a race means the race is no longer taking liability for you. You are now on your own. So what do you do?

Then it hit me. I’m focusing on the things I cannot control and am not focusing on what I can…my reactions and my attitude.

And here I am on repeat but what can I control? Myself - actions, inactions, reactions, attitude, mindset. Same things as always.