Why Asking for Help Is So Hard for Women: A Trail Running Perspective

As a women’s trail running coach, I see this pattern all the time.

Strong women.

Capable women.

Women who handle work, relationships, households, caregiving, logistics, and emotional labor like it’s just part of the deal.

And then they get to a trail race...50k, 50 miles, 100K, 100 miles, timed loops, all the distances...and suddenly the idea of having crew feels… complicated.

Not because they don’t need help. But because asking for it feels uncomfortable.

Trail Running Teaches Us to Do Things Ourselves

Trail running attracts all kinds of women but I've noticed a few things that are the same with a lot of us (and this list isn't ALL of those observations).

The kind who figures things out even when we don't have it all figured out.

The kind who doesn’t want to be a burden.

The kind who says, “I’ve got it,” even when she’s exhausted.

That independence is a strength until it quietly turns into isolation.

On the trail, that often shows up as:

• not wanting to “bother” anyone with crewing

• minimizing needs at aid stations

• brushing off support even when it would help

• feeling like accepting help somehow means you didn’t earn it

None of that is about toughness. I mean, we as women are tough as shit but...

It’s about conditioning.

Crew Isn’t About Weakness...It’s About Bandwidth

One of the biggest misconceptions in trail running is that needing crew means you’re not strong enough to handle the race.

In reality, longer races demand more than fitness. They demand decision-making when you’re tired. They demand emotional regulation. They demand logistics when your brain is already maxed out.

Crew doesn’t replace your strength. They protect it.

Having support doesn’t mean you can’t do hard things. It means you don’t have to do everything at once.

The Invisible Labor Women Carry (On and Off the Trail)

This is where trail running mirrors life a little too well.

Many women are used to:

• anticipating needs

• managing details

• keeping things moving

• being the support system for everyone else

So when it’s time to receive support, it feels foreign.

Sometimes even uncomfortable.

I’ve worked with trail runners who would rather push through unnecessary suffering than ask someone to help them refill bottles, manage gear, or remind them to eat.

Not because they don’t deserve help. But because they’re not practiced at receiving it.

Choosing Crew Is an Act of Self-Trust

When a trail runner decides to have crew, it’s rarely about convenience.

It’s about acknowledging:

• “I know this race will ask a lot of me.”

• “I’m allowed to conserve energy where I can.”

• “I don’t have to prove anything by doing this alone.”

That’s not weakness. That’s self-awareness.

And it’s something many women are still learning...on the trail and everywhere else.

You Don’t Have to Do It the Hardest Way to Deserve It

This is something I think about often as a women’s trail running coach:

You don’t get bonus points for making things harder than they need to be.

Not in trail running.

Not in training.

Not in life.

Using crew well isn’t about leaning on others instead of yourself. It’s about letting support exist alongside your effort.

You’re still running every step.

You’re still doing the work.

You’re just not carrying everything alone.

If You’re Training for a Trail Race…

And you’re on the fence about crew, here’s a gentler question to ask yourself:

What would actually help me show up more fully on race day?

Not what you should do. Not what looks tough. Not what other people are doing.

What would help you.

Sometimes the hardest part of trail running isn’t the miles. It’s allowing yourself the same support you so freely give to others.

Good effort.Positive attitude. 💛🧡⛰️